Two : Lesbianism
“My lesbian best friend kissed me and I liked it. I’m kind of scared (kinda NSFW).”
I've known my best friend since I was 14. I'm 24 now and she has been living with me because she got laid off a few months ago because of Covid. She has a job but isn't making enough to live on her own like she was so I've been letting her stay with me. It's been great honestly! I never realized how much I miss living with people. It's nice to cook meals and binge watch a series together. She told me she was gay when we first met and was never shy about it. Everyone knows she is gay and when she first started talking to me she was trying to flirt with me and see if I was gay. I told her I was straight so we became just best friends instead. We do everything together and I love her with all my heart. I say all this because this friendship is very important to me and I don't want to lose one of the most important people in my life.
When we were in our older teens she told me she still had feelings for me but didn't want to lose me. So she asked me to be less touchy with her. I am a hugger and will cuddle my friends and hold their hand and stuff like that. So I stopped doing that.
Two nights ago we were watching a movie together. She was sitting really close to me. Like our thighs were pressed together and it made me feel like, I don't know, tingly I guess. Usually she isn't all close to me but this time she was. I haven't been cuddly with her since she asked me to stop. Then she leaned on my shoulder and my heart was pounding. I was getting really nervous because I didn't want her to feel or hear it.
Uhhggg just typing this out I feel all hot inside. We stayed like that for a while and then she told me I was beautiful and I did the most nervous awkward fucking giggle omg. Then she just kissed me on the cheek and I swear it felt like electricity. I've never felt like this ever in my life. I've been with guys and had serious boyfriends that I loved and cared about but this just like I don't know. I literally felt like I was melting. Her hand was on my inner thigh and I turned my head to her and she kissed me on THE LIPS. If it just ended there I wouldn't feel so weird but I kissed her back… a lot. She was rubbing my inner thigh and asked if it was okay and I said "yes please" like wtf who says "yes please." I'm pathetic. She started feeling my downstairs area and it felt great but it was all so overwhelming so I stopped her and just got up and went to my room.
She was knocking on my door for so long and I felt like a shitty person but I just couldn't deal with this right now. She was like "okay. I'll go somewhere else." I feel terrible. I really did like it and I've never felt this way with a man ever. I live in a pretty progressive area so like why am I so scared of these feelings? I'm feeling a lot right now. I want to kiss her again. I want her to touch me sooo bad and I want to touch her. But I also just want my best friend back. I'm wondering what I am. If I am gay or bi or what. If I have ever actually been attracted to guys because nothing compares to this. Her lips are so fucking soft holy shit.
Sorry if this post is all over the place. She is at a motel now and I told her she can come back but I’m just so confused right now. I feel like this is how I should have felt with my previous relationships but I never did.
UPDATE
I didn't expect every lesbian in the world to see and comment on my post but it happened omg. It's so embarrassing. Everyone is gushing because I said "yes please" and I just want to die. But thank you guys for all the support. Just to clarify some things I made the post like 5 hours before it became live in the subreddit so by the time it was live she was already here and my phone started going crazy with notifications omg. Everyone wanted an update and a lot happened so here you go. I'll try to be detailed.
Before I even submitted the post I texted her that she can come back and it's okay. She came back and we didn't talk about it and it was just so awkward. I couldn't look her in the eye or even be in the same room as her for too long. Then a couple hours later she said she was ordering a pizza and wanted to know if I wanted one and what kind. She knows what I like so I knew it was just like a way for us to talk about something. She told me that she was sorry and that we can pretend it never happened and that she feels ashamed of herself for ruining the friendship. I just told her that she doesn't have to be sorry. We talked more and stuff was feeling normal again but then like the dumbass I am. I just leaned forward and kissed her. It was like an impulse I swear. Then I stopped and she was just like "it's okay." And continued on like nothing happened. She went to the living room to order pizza on Uber and I was just in bed FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. I just kissed her like on my own initiative holy shit. And I loved it but it wasn't just the kiss. It was being near her and talking and hearing her laugh at stuff. I've been hearing her laugh for like 10 years but it's the cutest shit in the world to me now. I really like feeling her hair fall over my shoulder when I kiss her. It's like tingles all on my neck gosh.
Anyway I just can't with all these details and it's making me feel hot. She kissed me and felt my waist and butt later and I kissed her later but that time I kissed her neck and chest and felt her up her shirt my gosh. We did lots of kissing but never talked about it. Once my post got really popular I just kept reading all these notifications saying "communication" so I just sat down and asked her what was happening with us. She was shy and was just like "well...you know I'm gay. so I kissed you, yeah." I told her that I enjoyed it and that it's all I can think about doing. I told her like an abridged version of my previous post and how it made me feel inside and that I don't want to mess up this friendship. She listened to me really closely which made me feel so idk. Like it felt like she was absorbing everything I was saying and all her attention was on me. Then she said that she has loved me since we first met and that she can't get over me. Lots of personal stuff spilled out and she told me in detail how much she loves me and cares about me. She said "It's so hard being just friends with you but if that's all I can get then it's okay. "
I told her that I do have feelings for her but it's all happening so fast and I'm confused with all these feelings. I said that I love her and have never felt this attracted to anyone in my life. Like omg even just her sitting next to me was getting me all hot. I had to remind myself to breathe. I asked her if she can be patient with me because this is all new to me. Like literally just a few days of so much emotion. She was glad to hear all of this because she thought I was disgusted by her and was in my room feeling violated or something. I told her "nooo. I wanna kiss you all day, foreverrrr" like wtf. Why am I saying things like this? I told her that I do want to be more than friends. Gosh I said "I want to be more than friends" and made the most awkward giggle squeal sound idk I'm very pathetic. She just told me I was so cute and kissed me on the forehead. I enjoyed that entire interaction omg. Feeling her hand on my shoulder and the other on the side of my head and her soft ass lips holy shit and she smells so good.
I know everyone is saying to not be worried about labels right now but I'm so lost. My whole life I was just straight and now I feel like this. Was I always like this? Did I ever love my boyfriends? No man has ever given me tingles. I've enjoyed sex with men but just her feeling my thigh is more pleasurable than any sex I've ever had in my life. And the topic of sex my goshhhh. I think I would just die if that actually happened. The sensory overload. But labels, I feel like I need a label. I don't like not knowing where I stand with something.
We kissed a lot last night. In places that I didn't think would make me feel all tingly. She kissed my back and I thought I'd pass out from it. She took her flannel off while we were kissing and holyfuckingshitmygod. I looked at her chest and whimpered like wtf type of person am I making all these awkward sounds. We made out for probably 2 hours and she rubbed my downstairs area through my clothing and idk how nsfw you can get in this sub but yeah the big ending happened.
I feel so alive right now and I don’t know how I should proceed. I have friends and family who are LGBT and it’s common. Again I live in a progressive area but still. I’m at work right now and I feel like all my coworkers can look at me and know that I’ve been touched by a woman. I don’t even want to work. I can’t focus. I just want to spend time with her and kiss her. I kissed her this morning but that isn’t enough. I just want the tingles again. I’d kill to just hear her voice right now. I had something she wrote down in my purse and have just been looking at her handwriting all morning like wtf. She texted me a heart emoji 15 minutes ago. If I think about her for too long I literally can’t breathe.
UPDATE
Sorry for posting an update so soon. I don’t want to be one of those people that posts like 40 updates on one situation. But I mostly wanted to post just to say thank you to everyone. I’ve gotten like 80+ awards and so many up votes and I’ve only posted twice. My phone is going off like every second from reddit notifications. Even though this is completely anonymous and on a throwaway I feel like so many eyes are on me and supporting me. My best friend is gay but I really don’t know much about gay culture and I feel really educated from these comments and learned lots of terms and stuff. I didn’t know wtf you guys were talking about always calling me a "bottom" but now I do lol.
I worked early today and she is working late. I'm just waiting for her to come home. I didn't even want to leave this morning. We were standing by the door just hugging and kissing until the last possible minute. I feel so at home in her arms. I'm so aware of all the physical contact that is happening and I love it all. Her hand rubbing my back, my god and her chin on my shoulder. Just full body tingles. I was thinking about her all day and when I got home there was a pan of brownies and a homemade card cut into the shape of a heart for me. I've never felt like this and it's so scary and new. I've had guys go all out with gifts and vacations and things like that. But this heart card makes me feel so whole inside. I seriously picked it up and kissed it because I am a pathetic loser wtf omg.
After being home a few hours I couldn't take it and visited her at work while she was on break. We kissed and fooled around in my car. This all feels very high school to me and we are in our 20's lol. I feel like I'm coming of age for the first time because I never went through this "omg boys are so hot and breaking my heart" phase at 15 like everyone else.
When I said that I've been thinking about her all day she was like "me for the last 10 years." It used to never make sense to me how girls always wanted to see their boyfriend and be around them all the time but I totally get it now with her. You guys don't understand how hard my heart is pounding just typing this out and it's like that times a million when I am around her. I want to kiss like every inch of her body, fuck i'll shut up about this now.
I’ve done what you guys suggested and not worry so much about the labels. What I know right now is that I really really realllyyyy like her. I think she is a beautiful amazing woman and it literally hurts my body and soul right now that I’m not kissing her ugh. I don’t want you guys to think I just like kissing her and that is it. She’s my best friend and I’ve always loved her. We literally have done everything together since we met. Like even before we lived together, if I was going to go grocery shopping I would call her and ask her to come with me. I really like everything about her. I love her sense of humor and her personality. I like how soft her hands feel fuckkk. She called me "baby" today and I seriously moaned like wtf i’m so fucking lame. She said "I’ve missed you all day, baby" and I just moaned omg.
I hope it hasn't been too terrible for her. How I feel about her now. I can't imagine holding onto feelings like this for 10 years and not being able to do anything about it. I envy her confidence in who she is though. She was always just like "I'm gay" like even at age 14. When we first met she just walked right up to me and said "you're really hot." and tried to ask me out. It must be nice to just clearly know where you stand romantically and sexually.
I don't really have much to update about this post. It was mostly just to thank everyone. I really had no knowledge about the lgbt community. You guys are all so nice and kind. Idk how often I'll post.
I know like everyone wants updates but I am really not that interested. Thank you all. I'm just waiting for her to come home. I don't want her to sleep on the couch anymore. I want her to sleep in my arms all night and I want to feel tingly all night.
INTERMISSION
“I’m feeling very weird about finding women attractive.”
I am very new to this. I've only (to my knowledge) been into women for a few days. You can read my previous posts if you want the whole story but I've been feeling kind of weird. I'm now realizing that I haven't experienced REAL sexual desire until recently. I have slept with men and enjoyed it. I've even had orgasms from men and have had them by myself. But when my best friend touched it was like all other experiences were nothing at all. I never had my whole body feel so excited. Ever since then I've been finding other women attractive too. They don't give me those lovely tingles like my best friend but it's so distracting. How do people just do common daily things when women are everywhere and are sooo beautiful. It's very distracting.
I'm also starting to feel like I'm very predatory. I'm not being a weirdo and staring at girls but I feel like some creepy dude when a girl's ass comes in my line of sight. I feel gross all over because it's always so gross whenever I feel a guy looking at me like that. I was at work today and my coworker was showing cleavage and it wasn't like I was struggling to keep eye contact. It was more like knowing inside that I find it attractive makes me feel like I am creepy. This is all just so much. It's like a sensory overload. There are just so many girls everywhere omg.
UPDATE
Hey everyone. I've gotten like a million messages on here. I'm glad my posts have been able to help some people. I didn't realize how common it was for lesbians to pine after their close friends. My best friend is gay but I don't really know much about gay culture. Other than her telling me like "that character is hot" while watching a show together we never really talk in detail about lgbt topics. You guys use all their terms and inside jokes that idk about lol.
It's interesting because not much has really changed in our day to day life now that we are more than friends. I already spent most of my free time with her and went out with her a lot. We have the same banter and the same jokes but it's just like we're kissing now and every time I see her I want to touch her everywhereeee. We've been texting each other while we're working. She calls me "baby" "darling" "cutie" and omg just makes me want to faint every time. It hits even harder when she just does it offhand. Like it's one thing if we are kissing and she is like "does this feel good, baby?" but it makes me especially melt if she is like "hey baby, what would you like for breakfast." I seriously almost died this morning because of that holy fuck.
Another big development. She sent me a nude yesterday while she was at work and I was at home. I yelped when I saw the picture of my god. I've had exes send me dick pics before and I never enjoyed them. I appreciated that I was making them excited but it was never appealing. Like a "does this make you wet baby" text along with a dick pic does nothing for me. But holy shit I was staring at this picture all day. I had the worst fucking reply also. I was like "nice boobs" like I couldn't think of anything else to say but "nice boobs" wtf I'm a dumbass. I hope she didn't feel like I didn't appreciate them.
Today we went out to lunch and I find it very difficult to be around her and not kiss her. We were sitting at a booth and I got up and switched to her side because I wanted to sit next to her. It's so exhausting having all these feelings. Like I wake up and my first thought is how in love I am. This probably sounds dumb like duh people are in love but I'm not used to this. My previous boyfriends if I didn't see them for a month it wouldn't bother me. But I want to cry sometimes because I have to leave for work early in the morning. I heard that one starving song that goes "I didn't know that I was starving til I tasted you." And for the first time I actually relate to a love song. I always thought that song was super lame but now I like feeling it in my soul omg. "You do things to my body" holy shit.
She has been really nice and patient with me even though I can tell she wants to be more physical. Before we were a thing she would have casual sex partners all the time. I've seen them in the apartment before. It would be two weeks and she'd be with 3 or 4 different girls. I just know she is used to getting her needs met and I don't wanna like idk whatever the female version of blue balls is. I don't want to be that for her. I do want to have sex with her. I think about it like all the time omg but it's just scary to think about. Earlier today when we were fooling around she put her hand down my shorts and felt me a little but I asked her to stop even though I loved it. It scared me but also it was like a sensory overload. I thought I'd have a heart attack or something. She's been sleeping in bed with me lately and I love it. I enjoy kissing a lot more. Like with kissing my boyfriends it was just kissing their lips and cheeks. But with her there is so much more to kiss. Everything is kissable omg. I kissed her shoulder, her stomach, her hands and her legs fuck. Like I can't imagine ever doing this with a man.
I did have a discouraging conversation though. I was on the phone with my grandma a little bit ago and like every time I call her she is always asking if I am seeing someone. Even when I was like 17 she was like "so who are you seeing." She expects me to be married and have like a million kids. I told her that I really like someone. I don't want to relive the whole conversation again. But I kept the pronouns as "someone" and "them" and it made her kind of suspicious. I just know she wouldn't be okay with me being with a woman and it made me cry a little bit. It's just such a dumb reason to not approve. If I had a granddaughter I would want them to be with whoever makes them feel the way I feel right now. It's very discouraging and makes me wary of telling people when the time comes for that. I didn't expect her to react that way. I don't think my parents would care but what if they do. I'm sure it wouldn't be something dramatic like they'd disown me but if they did disapprove it would make me upset. But I highly doubt they would care so I'm not going to go down that path of thinking right now. My grandma is an old southern lady so I should have expected this. I just really love my best friend. When we were out today she was holding my hand the whole time and TINGLES OMG. She isn't religious but she told me that she used to pray to the universe that she could be with me. She is very cool and confident but I can tell this is her dream come true. She looks so happy all the time. I wish I'd known earlier. We could have been doing this for years omg.
I can't stop myself from touching her like wtf. If I walk by her in the kitchen I'm like “feeling her everywhere and kissing her.” She was standing by the microwave waiting and I needed something in the cupboard behind her so I grabbed it out and kissed her. I hope I don't become one of those overbearing annoying gfs omg. Oh yeah and she called me "babygirl" yesterday and I fucking shook like seriously shook because I'm a fucking simp holyshitttt.
INTERMISSION (NSFW)
“VERY nervous about having sex with a girl and feel like a bad person because of it.”
Hey guys. I get tons of messages and will update in a couple weeks. Just enjoying time with her now.
I am very new to this and am okay with touching her everywhere but I just can't go between the legs. It's not like I don't want to or am disgusted by it. I've seen her naked a lot these past few days and it's hot to me and I want to touch it but it's just scary to me. Like why am I so scared? I've touched my own vagina for years like wtf. I don't feel so bad about taking it slow but I do feel bad about letting her touch me in that way and not reciprocating. She has I'll say "brought me to the finish" through the clothes and recently unclothed lots of times and all I can do is kiss her and like to feel her. She says she doesn't feel bad and is okay with waiting however long it takes. She's like "I waited 10 years, I can wait for this." She has always been a very sexually active person and is used to getting her needs met and I feel terrible making her wait. Especially if I am receiving pleasure and not giving it. I guess maybe her sexual past makes me self conscious because she has slept with lots of like experienced girls and like she tells me all the time that I'm her dream girl and that she has only ever wanted to be with me romantically but I just don't want to suck at sex. All of these thoughts combined make me afraid of her vagina I guess lol. I don't want to leave her hanging for too long. Also like idk what even counts as sex with a girl? Like when I've been with guys if p goes in the v that is sex. Going down on someone is not sex. I don't know, I probably sound dumb as fuck in these posts and comments. I'm not used to this at all.
“I really really enjoy being with a taller girl. She’s taller than me and I love it. Feels so nice and safe just feeling like I’m being absorbed by her.”
UPDATE
It’s been a little bit since I’ve updated. I haven’t been on this
account in a while. I’ve just been enjoying my time with her. We
received positive covid tests about a week ago. Neither of us have
had anything more than a headache and some coughing so
everything has been minor. But it made going home for the holidays and impossibility. Which was a bummer. I love spending
time with her, it’s my favorite thing ever and kissing but I really
wanted to go home for the holidays. We just stayed in and cooked and it was great still. We both facetime with our families. It’s kind
of awkward in those situations because even though I know that
nobody knows and I wouldn’t really mind if they knew. I feel like
they do. Like I was on facetime with my mom and she saw my
best friend and was like "hello!" I just internally freak out like
"omg they’ll know my tongue was in her mouth a few minutes
ago." But the big update that happened is that she found my reddit.
She texted me a screenshot of my posts with a question mark and I wanted to die omg. She’s been reading all my comments about
her out loud to me at random moments and it’s terrible. I’m kind
of shy to even write this because I know she’ll read it now fuck. She’s been reading all your comments and loves them. I thought
she’d never find out about this because she isn’t on Reddit but it
was shared somewhere else and she found it. She told me that she reads my post over and over and that it makes her heart feel warm. She told me to "tell the lesbians on reddit that I got her."
I don’t really have much to update because things have just been
good and there’s nothing new to say. I enjoy spending time with
her so much like my god.
Last week she went to the store for 20 minutes and I was calling and texting her the whole time. I feel
like I’m one of "those girls." Seriously, my first thought when I
wake up is "time for kisses" wtf. This morning she kissed my
ankle and calf and I thought I was going to just die right away
because holy shit. Why am I such a simp? I used to make fun of girls who were like this with a guy. But now it’s me. I made
roasted chicken and biscuits on Christmas and she told me “good
job" and it legit felt like sex wtffffff.
One of our friends is starting to suspect that we’re together. I know lots of gay and trans people and it would make no difference at all if everyone knew I was more than friends with a
woman but it still scares me. I’m 24 years old and I’ve been in
relationships and what I thought was love but any time with her is such a bigger thing. It feels so new and I feel so behind. These
are things a 15 year old is supposed to be going through. It makes me feel like a baby. I don’t want to be fucking weird either. Every
time she walks in the room I’m just looking at her and I follow her
around. If she walks to the kitchen I’ll follow her to the kitchen.
She says she loves it and it’s cute and that this is what she has
wanted for ten years. I just don’t want to ruin the friendship or
whatever this is. We have gotten physical as well. I don’t know what even counts as sex when it comes to two girls because with
guys if you use hands or mouth you’re still considered a virgin but
she has gone down on me many times at this point and I have used my fingers on her. She doesn’t mind if I post sexual stuff
because in her words "if the whole world knows I ate you out i’d
be happy" lol.
I don’t want to post overly sexual things and I get
super weird messages on here from strange men who look
through the lesbian sub. I’ll just say she licked me in a place that
I’ve never been licked before. I have the hand thing down but I feel like when I do go down on her I’m going to be really bad and
not live up to her expectations. Everyone in my comments talks
about how great it is that she has been in love with me for 10 years and it is great but also FUCKING SCARY OMG because she
has been thinking about me and probably having steamy
fantasies about me for so long. She looks at me with so much
love. I can see in her eyes that she loves and idk how I’m worthy of
this love. She’s been here because we are in quarantine but when
she was out I was just like "what time are you coming home"
"please come back" "leave work early."
FINAL UPDATE
I don’t have much to say. I haven’t been on this account in a while.
I’ve just been living life and actually enjoying sex and romance for
the first time ever. I signed in and saw tons of messages. I’m doing well. She’s asleep next to me right now and I love her so
much that I could just cry whenever I think about it. I’m glad you guys helped me figure all this out.
